Cosmetic Critique
by Egyptian
Summary: Is Raphael really all that blond? Valon intends to find out. He enlists the help of an unwilling Alister, and an entirely diferent mystery unfolds. [ONESHOT, NONYaoi, Humour]


**A/N: I've always wondered whether Raphael was really that blond. SO I decided to write a story about it! I apologize if it seems short, I felt if I wrote any more then it would have been ruined. Reviews are loved, but flames are not. This story is dedicated to Huajen-Chan and her amazing Doma Fics!  
AND PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT ASK ME TO WRITE A SEQUEL. One shot, means one shot. No sequels, no updates. So don't waste reviews writing that. Please?**

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"Valon, what are you doing?"

"Eh, what? Damnit! Alister! Ssh!"

The mane of fluffy brown hair was barely visible as the Australian hid in the doorway of an empty room. Waving his fist in what he believed to be a threatening manner, he glared at his comrade. "It's on a need-to-know basis, chum. And unfortunately, you don't need to know." He said quietly and smugly. Valon's lip's curved into a smirk as the arrogant redhead before him fizzled with rage.

"Valon!" Alister snarled, seizing the smaller one by the collar and glaring daggers. "What the hell are you doing now, or…"He never managed to finish as Valon interrupted cheekily.  
"Or what? You go running to Dartzy and telling on me for walking around?"  
"That's it, it's go time!" Alister shrieked, ignoring the 'shushing' noises made by Valon. Cold grey eyes bored into Valon's, hands still tightly gripping Valon's collar.

"Allright, keep it down, and would you mind letting go? I like to breathe funnily enough." After Alister had obliged grudgingly, he smirked, re-arranging his dress wear and crossing his arms.  
"I want to find out something about Rafael that I've been wondering for quite a while now. And the answer lies in the room next door." He announced dramatically, but quietly.  
Alister blinked, an eyebrow arched.  
"…"  
"Your curiosity of one of Rafael's many mysteries lies in the bathroom?" Alister asked bemused. A hand on his hip in a highly feminine fashion, he continued to glare at a disgruntled Valon.

"You'll see." Valon swore, shaking a fist again. Into the luxurious bathroom he disappeared, stifling a giggle.  
Alister stood very still in the doorway for a moment, contemplating Valon's newest idiocy. "I'll bite," He muttered, entering the bathroom too.  
Of course, with such wonderful hair as Dartz's and his love for hygiene, the bathroom was large and spectacular. Pure white cherubs poured water into fountains, the two showers powerful, nothing less for the King of an Underwater City. Marble pillars and tiles shimmered, and the cool teal walls held various odd sea-like ornaments, from a truly ugly stone, to a wonderful rainbow shell. Several cupboards lay dotted about, sinks beneath them, the entire room smelling of heavily scented perfume, male of course. Or was it?

Valon stood on his tiptoes, rummaging into a cupboard, grimacing as a bottle fell onto his head. He turned to a bemused Alister, and grinned. "You keep a lookout, while I check in here."  
Meanwhile, the redhead looked on in shock. It was more than any of their souls was worth to actually go through Rafael's cabinet! He had made that clear when they had all started living together.  
"You get caught, and you are beyond screwed. Not only that, but why on Earth are Rafael's taste in cosmetics appealing to you? " He said dryly. Valon simply chuckled.

"Not if you keep a lookup mate, and I told ya. You'll see."  
"What makes you think I will?" He asked, leaning against the doorframe, his eyes closed boredly.  
"I'll make it worth your while," Valon promised.  
"How?"  
"You'll see. Now what have we got here…"

Valon stooped to pick up the bottle of cherry red liquid. A little grin spread over his face. "HERBAL ESSENCES!" He shrieked, giggling away madly. Opening the three quarter filled bottle and sniffing it, he giggled again, scrambling up to Alister, and thrusting the bottle under his nose, much to the red's annoyance.  
"What? Eurgh." Alister said, pushing the bottle away, and rubbing his nose feverishly.  
"Cherry scented." Valon sniggered, replacing the bottle and rummaging around again. For a moment, he looked comical, tongue half out, one hand on Rafael's personal sink, the other in a high up cupboard where even Rafael would find it difficult to reach.

Finally, he pulled out another bottle, only this one was smaller. Inspecting it closely, and sniggering again, called over to Alister.  
"Olay facial cream!" He giggled, replacing the bottle, and once again, rummaging around.  
"Moisturiser!" He exclaimed. Alister gritted his teeth. Valon was beyond annoying him now. He should just leave. So why didn't he? The answer? He felt a compelling sense of satisfaction to hear of what Rafael had been storing in his cupboard.  
"Hurry it up Aussie." He grumbled, one eye down the corridor.  
"Yeah yeah." Valon muttered, drawing out several razors, shaving foam, and aftershave.  
"Least it is a male brand," He sniggered.  
Aside from drawing out various brands of toothpaste, and a brush, shower cream, and a large collection of brushes, combs hairsprays and such.

Valon was beside himself giggling, His greedy hand grasped a box, and tugged. Relieving the cupboard, he opened the box, only to stare in shock. "Crikey. A-Alister?"  
"What? Do you know I have much better things to be doing right now?" Alister retorted, refusing to look at Valon.  
"You might want to see this…"  
"This better be good." Alister strode up to Valon and the box, and he too gasped at the contents.  
"This is… This is mascara! A whole box of mascara!"  
"I know. Rafael doesn't wear mascara? It's far too girly! Of all the cabinets, I expected this to be in yours chum," Valon recovered, examining the 7X Volume length Rimmel London mascara, no doubt costing a fortune.

"What exactly were you looking for?" Alister asked, displaying obvious curiosity.  
"Well, it ain't here what I was looking for. Hair dye. Blond hair dye. Guess it's true then. Rafael is a natural blond." Valon replied dramatically.  
Alister slapped his head with the palm of his hand. "You can be a real idiot, do you know that?" He snapped.

Suddenly, heavy footsteps made the guilty pair look up. "Damnit! Aw crikey, we're dead." Valon shrieked, hopping around on the spot, returning the box, and closing the door. Alister merely looked slightly concerned.  
"Correction buddy, you're dead. And furthermore- Oof!"  
Valon shoved Alister into the large wicker closet that contained the boiler. Their breathing haltered, and peeking through the slits in the wood, Rafael entered the bathroom, striding over to his cabinet.  
"Oh God, you idiot, that wasn't..!"  
"SSH! He'll hear us." Valon whimpered, watching as Rafael took out a toothbrush and paste from the cupboard opposite the one he had rummaged in.

Opposite. Meaning…

After brushing his teeth, and showing a rare smile to the mirror, he left, the room remaining silent, until two idiots fell from the closet.  
"Valon you moron!" Alister yelled, proceeding to bash his comrade on the head severely.  
"Hey!" Valon screamed, shielding his poor head from the assault. "I wasn't to know!"  
Alister paused to contemplate this idiotic protest. "Why you little!"

"Can I help you my children?"

The echoey tone, deep and mocking froze the two in their tracks for the second time. Slowly, they both turned to Dartz. Immediately, they straightened up, and bowed respectfully.  
"No thank you Master Dartz. Uh, we'll be leaving now." Alister said smoothly, edging away from Valon and Dartz, and escaping the bathroom. Valon followed suit, sighing in relief, as the bathroom door was slammed behind him.

"Moron." Alister muttered. He kicked Valon in the side.

"What are you doing now?" He asked irritated.  
Valon was on his knees, peering through the keyhole, mouth open in astonishment. "You gotta see this…"  
Alister shoved Valon out of the way, and peered through the keyhole, gasping.

The one inside, was brushing his long hair lovingly, and then proceeding to apply thick layers of mascara onto his eyelashes.  
The one inside, also happened to be King of Atlantis, supremely powerful being, ten millennia years of age, and the power to destroy mighty dragons with ease.

Alister and Valon looked at each other in disbelief.


End file.
